The ending....

......She glanced about the room taking in the carnage. 

Multiple heads lie about and she looked at the faces. A grimace here, a surprised look there, and then of course, the smile on her own. Proud of herself; she rinsed the gore from the knife and began scooping up the guts from here and there as she hummed a little tune to herself.

Storybook Land

Once upon a time she had a true love...
Once upon a time she was a Queen...
Once upon a time there was a Queen dethroned by her King...
Once upon a time there was a peasant, who once was Queen...

Once upon a time there was no happily ever after...

Love Lost

When we walked in the moonlight it cast silver circles upon our skin.

We stopped in the meadow, wet with dew, and danced slowly as the stars looked on and for a moment time stood still.

My heart was golden with your kisses and embrace.

Then the sun burst through, hot, radiant and exposing; the stars hiding my shame.

The fairytale has ended and I pine for the cool touch of the moon once again.

Tin Man

It rises up like a dark Kansas tornado- and here I am, no Ruby slippers.

If only I had those jeweled shoes.

I'd click those heels three times; but there is no place called HOME

This yellow brick road seems to lead nowhere; yet I stand in the Tin-Man's forest

If only they'd give him a real heart.

Lemon Verbena Wings

Lemon verbena, lavender, eucalyptus any scent to seduce the stench of the day from my skin.

Bronzed fingers now pinked; grasping matching pruned toes. Curled into myself; a mermaid in the murky depths; submerged.

How long does redemption take???

Count to one hundred; one, two, three, four, and so on; reflections in the soap bubbles, just a shadow of me dancing beneath gray water.

Baptized now- or so I think. Emerging wet and naked, slippery legs supporting Lemon Verbena scented wings.

Has it really been 13 years?

It was the year 2000. New Year had come and gone and nobody's bank account fell to zero. Nobody’s computer crashed in a world-wide virus and the trumpets of Armageddon didn't sound after all.

After the world breathed a sigh of relief and climbed out of their bunkers, life went on. Business as usual with nervous chuckles, heh-heh, knew it'd all be fine.

Autumn came with backpacks and pencils; wind and leaves. While the kids spent their days reading and writing; we spent ours in the hospital and by October the hospice.

I gave the okay for the final dose of morphine. To ease his breathing and I'm sure there are those, even myself, who from time to time think I hurried along his date with death. It was the 2nd.

By the 3rd of the Witches month I was writing checks and signing paperwork for the burial services. We had just got back to my brothers with some chicken for dinner; we had just left the hospice when the phone rang not long after the key turned in the lock. My brother answered and took the news.
He was gone.

There was no time for cake or flowers. No thoughts of presents or good wishes. It really was more of a non-birthday that year.

The day after I turned 32; I buried the man who raised me.

45

It was her 45^th birthday as she wandered from room to room trying to decide what should be packed and what shouldn’t. It hit her hard as she climbed the stairs and she dropped as the tears started to roll down her cheeks. The realization that she was packing up 45 years of her life into these boxes and that most of those things were from the past thirteen years she had spent with a man she had been madly in love with; a man she still loved.

The droplets turned to sobs as she felt the pain of a marriage ending, the pain of rejection. She sat there clinging to the stairs and wondered how someone who was supposed to be her life line, her provider, her protector, her love… could so easily throw it all away. The lease was up on their home; it was time to move and he had chosen to move on without her. Living together had become nothing more than civilities. The sex had stopped long ago and every time she initiated any intimacy it was accepted, but, never returned. 

So she cried and wonders what she did wrong, how she made him un-love her all the while knowing it has nothing to do with her in the end. In reality the problem is HIS. She did what she could, she stood by his side through many things a marriage should never endure, yet, she continued to stay and hold onto the tiny smolder of love they once exchanged. For better or worse, in sickness and health, that’s what the wedding vows said, right? Wrong. To honor, love and cherish; all words that were spoken from her lips with fervor on the day they wed were obviously now just lip service from the Groom. 

Illness or boredom; who knows what changed his heart to stone against her. For the past two and a half years she had been trying to stay afloat a sinking ship when she should have jumped into a lifeboat and sailed away when he first broke her trust. But, she didn’t. Because she believed in that silly little thing called LOVE, yes this stupid girl believed. Even as a woman, she was still just a stupid girl who thought love could conquer all because she believed him when he told her it will always be you. She believed his lies the way children believe that clapping will make Tinkerbell fly again. 

And now on her 45^th birthday she wipes her eyes, pulls herself up and starts packing again. A new start and it would be ALONE. 

She moved out on her birthday and now in an apartment that is hers alone she cries herself to sleep at night and she wakes with tears in the morn. She cries for her loss, she cries because of her own stupidity, she cries because she failed. She cries and wonders what the rest of her birthdays will be like? Will every year forward no longer be a celebration of her LIFE or a mourning of her damaged and lost marriage? She doesn’t know and for now she is numb. 

For now she needs to find herself again because the woman who was married is no longer. She’s stuck in limbo for now….. alone with her thoughts and her tears.